Mothers | Mother’s Day | Barrenness
God interrupted my life this morning!
It’s Mother’s Day 2023 … ANOTHER MOTHERS DAY, ugh! This day is always challenging for me. Always. I am a barren woman! It wasn’t until my late 50s that it suddenly dawned on me that I LONGED to have a child. The reason it took me so long is beyond the scope of this article but suffice it to say that the topic of being childless and ALL the emotions that swirl around that reality has hit me hard.
In the early days and years of my marriage, I didn’t struggle with childlessness too much. I had remarried in my mid-30s and my new husband had three (3) beautiful children of his own. They didn’t live with us but by and by we began to build a relationship with them, and over time I could see that my husband would have been a wonderful Father to our own children. I saw him in a special way and would imagine how it could have been if we had a child or children together.
As the years passed I had countless occasions to spend time with his previous wife and his children. Bonds were formed. Birthdays, Holidays, Funerals, etc. So, year after year on Mother’s Day we would head over to the annual “Mother’s Day Celebration”. At first, it didn’t affect me much. However, as I wrote in the opening of this article, it took decades of marriage with this man to WAKE UP TO THE FACT THAT I WOULD NEVER HAVE A SON or DAUGHTER OF MY OWN. I had been in denial. I really longed for a child. At least one!
I remember one year in particular at one of these annual gatherings watching my husband’s previous wife (who was always good to me and him) being showered with love, affection, gifts, honoring words, and all the beautiful “things” that accompany this special day. It was as if I was watching a movie about someone else’s wonderful life and longing to have what she and other mothers experience. I’ve noticed in the last decade or so that I’ve tended to isolate on this day. I’ve learned that it’s best to shield myself from situations that trigger difficult
emotions.
Mother’s Day is always on a Sunday and so on this day that is where we were. The beautiful “Mothers” corner at church doesn’t help childless women very much. All the mothers get dressed up for the day and have their pictures taken with their families. It’s a beautiful thing, but not so much for the barren woman or the woman who (if for whatever reason) is childless and imagining that after church, those
mothers will be honored and loved by their children and/or their husbands and naturally are happy to have a day to be honored and blessed.
So as people were filing out of the church, I noticed a young woman I haven’t seen for a while. She used to be involved in one of our home mid-week study groups. Even in such an intimate setting, I never got to know her well. But when I saw her this day, she looked troubled and very sad. My husband and I walked over together to greet her. I asked her how she was, and she smiled but then said “Honestly, I’m having a hard time!” I give her so much credit for her transparency.
Most of us put the “mask” on for others, even others who know us well and love us. I instinctively knew what was wrong. I tentatively asked her what was wrong and if she wanted to talk about it. She thought for a moment and then said “Yes”. Off we went (leaving my understanding husband behind) to find someplace quieter and she began to share. At this point, you can imagine how the rest of that conversation went. Her story was the same as mine.
It has taken me years to work through the issue of childlessness. As we talked it occurred to me that this was “a divine appointment”. I heard myself telling her my own childless story and how God has met me to deal with it. We talked, prayed, cried together and suddenly it occurred to me that Mother’s Day had become a non-issue for me. WoW! I had finally come to the point of acceptance and could try to help someone who was now struggling with the same sadness. I won’t share
what I said but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was The Lord Almighty who was prompting me what to say.
That dear woman walked away with her tears dried, with hope in her heart and a renewed vision of what it means to be a Daughter of God. We both know she will continue to struggle, but she and I had a special time of fellowship with The Lord. I have faith that God sees her and will fulfill his promise to us through Psalm 37:4. As for me, yes, God has brought me through another Mother’s Day, but not without the realization that I still have some deep work to do spiritually. You see I recently made a comment that hurt some of the women in my family. In retrospect it was honestly more of slip of the tongue. It was not premeditated but there is a scripture that reads “out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks”. Therefore, it dawned on me that I had been harboring some deep resentments in my heart toward my husband’s previous wife, and ALOT of it had to do with my childless state.
I was guilty of thinking things like “God where are MY blessings?” Why must I always feel so isolated and misunderstood? Why does it hurt so much God? When will this end? So, without fully realizing it, a bitter root had been growing in my spirit. In my lonely and fragile state, I had made a comment that hurt the women in my family and the consequence was being isolated from people I love. I knew instinctively what was wrong. BUT GOD! In my endeavor to help this woman today, I realized that God was ministering to my soul as well. He was using me, using her, using the situation for BOTH of our benefits. It is said that God is never late. In speaking with her I fully realized that without knowing it, I was healed of my bitterness and exclusive pity parties. Time to fully forgive others, and myself (if there was anything to forgive) and TRULY move on.
Before we left the church I and my friend had our pictures taken in the photo opportunity corner. Naturally, I have removed her from the photo, but here it is below. So today I experienced FIRSTHAND how God is at work around us. He sees us! He cares more than we do! He invites us/me to become involved with Him in his work. He wants us whole and healed so we can overcome and help others who are on the road just a little further behind us.
And so below you will see some quotes from Henry Blackaby, the author of a wonderful book called “Experiencing God”. In his book “Experiencing God” he writes:
1. God is always at work around you.
2. God pursues a continuing love relationship with you that is real and personal.
3. God invites you to become involved with Him in His work
If you are experiencing what I and so many women over the centuries have gone through, take heart, you can overcome with The Lord Jesus! He has a plan for each one of our lives, we can trust him AND he doesn’t waste anything. My prayer now is that whomever I’ve offended can fully forgive me for my transgressions. I often say, “I need grace to make it” and I can see how much spiritual work has been done by Our Father in Heaven, but I am keenly aware of how much more work there is to be done.
Happy Mother’s Day dear reader … may you be abundantly blessed!
God interrupted my life this morning! I’m so glad he did!
Angela
